I had my 6 week postpartum check up yesterday. You'll all be happy to hear that, contrary to my concerns, my uterus did not in fact make a terrified break for it this week.
Here's what I did learn, my doctor apparently is a comedian. She asked me if I had had unprotected sex in the last 5 days. HAHAHAHAHA.
Oh seriously? People do that after babies?? Who are these freaks of nature and what are they doing to breed quiet babies?
I've heard those exist. Yep, these super babies supposedly cry only when they are hungry or need a change (not because they don't appreciate your choice in music, color of your pajamas, rhythm of your breathing, etc). They sleep when it's dark outside and wake only when they're positive you've had enough beauty rest. They even make your coffee first. Yea whatever, I bet it's just a Keurig. Ooh you can press a button, big deal. My baby can poop 3 times in the span of 10 minutes.
Back to my original point. Women who have babies within a year of previous children are a mystery to me. You all are either super moms or crazy moms. Super moms are those women who wake up 3 hours before their children, after accumulating only 47 minutes of sleep during the night, in order to prepare breakfast, organize crafts and other activities for the day, fit in some relaxing "Me time," perhaps read a short novel, and attend to personal hygiene needs. They always speak softly, when one child is screaming and the other is throwing machetes at them they calmly explain that that's a "no no" and will possibly result in a time-out at the count of 3. They also have retained their naturally perky breasts.
The crazy moms are a little more up my alley. They have a momentary lapse of judgement that involves their infant miraculously sleeping through the night 3 nights in a row, during this time they catch up on their wine drinking and accidentally get knocked up again. CRAZY. Never let your guard down during that first year. These moms rarely have a volume below Banshee, they stick their kids in front of the tv for an extra hour or 3 of sleep in the morning (don't worry, only educational programs such as Baby Einstein or Judge Judy), crafts refer to the moment the little rascals escaped with a bottle of ketchup and maple syrup and locked themselves in the bathroom, and of course personal hygiene is an event that's reserved for holidays. They've also permanently lost the attention span for novels of any size, their brains have been re-wired to only carry on conversations that consist of "Mommy" "what?" "Mommy" "what?" "Mommy!!" "WHAT?" "Whatchya doin?" "*sob*"
Regardless I'll never cease to be wildly impressed with these women, even when they're standing in the middle of Target trying to pull two toddlers off of each other. Hats off ladies, you all are braver than I could ever hope to be!